The nice guy , I like him. He is hesitant… He respects women so much that it becomes disabling. He is not even a feminist, most often he is castrated.
We must respect women, of course, but neither more nor less than a man. The nice guy often comes to me to ask me how I do to “chat” a girl, asks me for miracle recipes to become a charismatic guy, to have self-confidence, to become an alpha.
And there unfortunately, I have to admit to him that there are no miracle recipes.
On the other hand, there are solutions to finally assert yourself and “cure” this syndrome.
Here they are…
1. Know how to say No
Knowing how to say no is proof of maturity. The nice guy does not want to annoy, does not want to upset his girlfriend, his mother, his friends, his colleagues. To say no is for him a sign of wickedness.
Yet saying no is what we no longer do enough.
Be careful, I am not asking you to say no without a reason. Say no if it doesn’t serve your interests. You have to be able to enforce your personal boundaries.
To avoid falling into the Friend Zone, learn to stop listening to your “friend”. Want to get your ex back? Stop listening to him talk to you about his new guys. Learn how to say no!
2. No longer caring about the opinions of others
The nice guy is completely paralyzed by the looks of the others. Paralysis leads to inaction .
In a subway, on a train, in your playground, at the university library, the nice boy always finds an excuse not to approach a girl : he feels looked at by others, he thinks he is going to be judged.
How to avoid this anxiety of the approach?
Realize that others only care about their own belly button, they have more to do than judge you.
They have their own worries, their own anxieties. They are too preoccupied to care about you.
No, really, the gaze of others is not important. Do you really want to please people you don’t care about? Everyone has their own life, live yours.
3. Accept the conflict, especially when in a relationship
Always beware of sleeping water. Generally the nice guy avoids causing pain, refuses to enter into conflicts. Because he is unable to manage his stress, his aggressiveness.
He prefers to keep it to himself and hurt himself: he drinks, he plays, he bites his nails, he intentionally hurts himself.
He thinks that the brawl automatically means the end of a relationship , or the breakdown of the relationship.
A good relationship, with your parents, with your friends, or with your girlfriend, will not be able to develop without occasional spat. Some have the gift of getting confused on a daily basis, it is part of their balance …
The nice guy who refuses conflict is still in an unresolved relationship with his mother, which should not be upset or upset. I wouldn’t go into pseudo-psychology here, but if you have trouble expressing your anger or disagreement, there is something to dig into to become more mature, more manly, more sure of yourself.
4. Make Choices
The nice guy never really took the time to think about himself.
At school, the nice guy is… nice. Sometimes gifted. But don’t choose his path. Not going to choose his secondary course. Go listen to your parents and teachers rather than your own desires.
Most of the time he doesn’t know what he wants anyway . He finds himself in sales training when he is rather shy? He finds himself in large companies when he would prefer to work alone? Does he work in accounting or finance when he dreams of opening a restaurant or becoming a cabinetmaker?
Don’t laugh, most of the time these are real cases that my clients tell me. The nice boy who does not succeed in asserting himself becomes like my oldest clients: they did not choose their life, not choose their children, not choose their first names, not choose their job, not choose to get married… That go far.
You absolutely have to learn to make choices , even if “to choose is to give up” as Gide said. You will not be able to do without introspection at some point.
5. No longer seeking approval from others
The real male doesn’t give a damn. He does what he wants to do within reason.
Which restaurant ? He chooses. What film in the cinema? He chooses. Wine at the table? Obviously, it is he who decides. To be a man is to lead.
Being a leader is that.
After an aperitif in an apartment, he gets up, speaks loudly and says “We’re going now” to go to a club, and not “What if we were going”, or “Would you like to go now, if he please, sorry, excuse me for existing ”.
OK, I force the line. But the man is leading the way, we expect that from you. The real man makes decisions and chooses to live his life.
Live the life you want to live to the fullest. Give yourself the means. Work hard, read, go out, share good times with your friends. Think about your emotions, about your rest.
In short, build a strong interior to stop being tossed about by women and life.
Note: Being kind and romantic with the women you flirt with, what has been the result so far?
Not terrible, I imagine …
Well, that doesn’t surprise me: “romanticism” is anything but a good way to attract a woman!